Interview with Seymour Turkey remembering his cousins


\"SarahSeymour Turkey consented to be interviewed on the second anniversary of the demise of several family members.

Interviewer: Mr. Seymour Turkey, thank you so much for agreeing to speak with us. The readers understand this is a difficult time of the year for you and the family. Would you share your feelings with us?

Turkey: I remember the incident like it was today. It was November 20, 2008 in Wasilla, Alaska, and that Palin woman was supposed to be pardoning Tom. It was all right there for the cameras to see and the American people to see.

Interviewer: We understand your discomfort. Would you continue?

Turkey: OK, Sarah Palin was governor of Alaska at the time. You’d think that political office would denote trust. After all she’s a Republican and possible presidential candidate for 2012. The whole point of her going to the farm was to pardon Tom. Poor Tom had no idea that Charlie and Lloyd were going to lose their heads while Sarah Palin was running off at the mouth.

Interviewer: We can give you a minute to compose yourself.

Turkey: Well it’s all on video. Sarah Palin just kept barking away about her political agenda while everyone watched the life drain out of those poor turkeys. (Go to the video – Sarah Palin ) Now she has a show on TV, Sarah Palin’s Alaska. The Tea Party is testing out voting modus operandi on Dancing with the Stars for the next political election. It’s my understanding the Tea people are trying to get one vote to count 10 times. “Operation Bristol” has been posted and re-posted by websites such as Conservatives4Palin and us4Palin and Twitter is ablaze with #DWTS hashtag. Mark my words, Palin become president and who knows will be captured on tape losing their head while Palin “pretends” to pardon Tom, Dick and Harry. Sorry Tom’s gone already; right after Palin finished the interview. He wasn’t really pardoned for long.

I tried to get the family in Alaska to campaign for salmon dinners on Thanksgiving – at least moose or bear. I told Tom, Charlie and Lloyd there were other foods people could eat, but they didn’t listen to me. Sarah Palin’s videotaped with a huge brown bear skin on her couch. How do we really know what the Native Americans brought to the first Thanksgiving meal?

Interviewer: It’s understandable that November is not your favorite time of year.

Turkey: I hate November! All these politicians get elected in November and they’re bigger turkeys than I am. There are so many “lame ducks” why isn’t duck the national bird for Thanksgiving?

Interviewer: Perhaps we can change the topic to something more pleasant. What’s your favorite meal?


Turkey: Oh I watch my diet carefully. The quantity of feed it takes to make one pound of meat on a turkey makes the difference. If that farmer intends to put eight pounds of meat on me in eight weeks it will take thirteen pounds of feed. I only eat 8-10 pounds. Ever see a fat vegan?

Interviewer: Will you be spending the holidays with your family?

Turkey: Only the lean ones. Can’t get too plump or a turkey will probably go to Butterball, Jennie-O, Hillshire, and there’s the kosher side of the family. Like other families we have wild turkeys – not just the label for bourbon.

Interviewer: Thank you Seymour Turkey for your time and agreeing to this interview. Is there anything more you’d like our readers to know?

Seymour Turkey: Yes thank you. I’d like to quote Arnold Schwarzenegger, \”I love Thanksgiving turkey… It\’s the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.\”

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