Dr. R. E. Search, PhD
Professor and Specialist in Academic Wellbeing & Sustainable Scholarship
The Institute for Sensible Research Practices
Date: December 2024
To Whom It May Concern:
This is to certify that I have examined the patient group known collectively as “Researchers and Doctoral Candidates” and have diagnosed the following acute conditions requiring immediate intervention:
- Chronic Thesis Fatigue Syndrome – characterised by the delusion that “just one more paragraph” will make a difference
- Inbox Overwhelm Disorder – presenting with the mistaken belief that emails require immediate response during holidays
- Imposter Syndrome Exacerbation – worsened by comparing oneself to colleagues’ carefully curated social media research updates
- Reference Management Exhaustion – potentially terminal in cases left untreated
PRESCRIBED TREATMENT:
Complete cessation of all research-related activities from 23 December 2024 through 2 January 2025, including but not limited to:
- Opening thesis documents
- Reading “just one more article”
- Responding to supervisor and/or administrative emails – or writing them
- Feeling guilty about not working
APPROVED ACTIVITIES:
Rest, consumption of festive foods, time with loved ones, reading for pleasure, and remembering that you are a whole person beyond your research.
PROGNOSIS: Failure to comply will result in diminished returns, increased burnout, and reduced productivity in January. Rest is not optional; it is essential infrastructure for sustainable scholarship.
Return to work: 3 January 2025, refreshed and human again.
Signed,
Dr. R. E. Search
