Psychology of complaining: the mental and emotional drain of complaining about everything, everywhere

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Let’s imagine a common situation. Two people walking quickly pass each other on the street. They may be friends, co-workers or acquaintances. One of them greets with a “Hey, how are you?” or “How are you doing?” The other automatically responds: “We’re getting by” or “Come on, it’s not a small thing.” Shortly afterwards, each one goes his own way. The brief encounter is marked from the start by systematic complaints.

In the 21st century, developed societies accept this type of attitude as a routine form of social interaction. In fact, it is quite common to hear complaints about traffic, the weather, work or economic difficulties. For many, it is something harmless and even therapeutic, because it serves as an emotional outlet.

However, chronic complaining has been shown to have a significant impact on the emotional, mental, and even physical health of both those complaining and those receiving the regretful comments.

An everyday phenomenon

Here we will address the repeated expression of dissatisfaction, frustration or discomfort due to situations perceived as negative. This is an almost universal phenomenon that can be extrapolated to family, work and social contexts. Far from a catastrophic vision, complaining occasionally is a normal part of the human experience. Emotional and physiological wear and tear occurs when this negative attitude invades our daily routines.

But why do we complain so much? Some experts believe that it acts as a coping mechanism through which we release tension or seek validation. Specifically, it has been observed that through complaining we seek approval of our opinion or perception, as if it were a loop.

So far, it works as a presentation strategy before our social group; it is an adaptive function of the human being.

The problem arises when it becomes chronic and extends to numerous contexts. It is a situation that worsens with the use and abuse of social media , where it is common for influential people in younger populations to dedicate a large part of their content to ranting about this and that as a strategy to attract followers or to create debate and exchange of comments.

Impact on the brain and mental health

Although it is a pioneering field of research and requires further studies, neuroscience has already delved into the etiology and consequences of the complaint.

Various studies have confirmed that the human brain is designed to identify threats and problems, which explains why it is so easy to focus on the negative and why some people tend to complain more than others. This is an evolutionary mechanism with a protective origin: the brain tends to focus on the negative because it allowed it to face a real danger thousands of years ago and increased its chances of survival.

This effect, called negativity bias , can backfire in the modern environment, as continually focusing on the bad can alter the way people view the world and thus promote new interactions such as those based on complaining.

Some studies suggest that the act of complaining can lead to structural changes in the brain, which in turn lead to problems with problem-solving and cognitive function. This means that people who complain may experience impairments in functions such as problem-solving, decision-making, or planning. This leads to even more frustration and, consequently, more complaining.

Furthermore, it has been observed that daily complaining is correlated with anxiety-depressive symptoms. Specifically, with intrusive thoughts, ruminations, low self-esteem, tiredness and mental fatigue. Therefore, individuals who constantly complain about everything tend to be more pessimistic and less resilient in the face of adversity.

Strategies to change attitude

Below we explain some of the most recommended forms of interaction and coping in psychological consultation:

  1. Practice gratitude. Focusing on what we have in the moment encourages gratitude. Recording the things we can be grateful for in a journal helps to change our perspective.
  2. Finding solutions. Making, for example, a list of possible actions to improve a situation gives us a sense of control and reduces frustration.
  3. Paying attention to our words . Psychoneurolinguistics teaches us that being aware of the language we use and modifying it to be more positive or neutral can help us change our thought patterns.
  4. Setting boundaries with others . This is a protective mechanism. It means, for example, avoiding conversations that focus too much on the negative or proposing a more constructive approach to problems.

Undoubtedly, being aware of the unhealthy habit of complaining incessantly and trying to change it is essential to improve the quality of life. It is an objective that is part of the personal growth of each individual and that can be reinforced with the support of psychological therapy.

Before you complain again, consider the brain, emotional and social effects it brings. And remember: complaining is not negative if it is not chronic. We are not perfect, we are human.

Author Bio: Maria J. Garcia-Rubio is Professor at the Faculty of Health Sciences of the International University of Valencia – Co-director of the VIU-NED Chair of Global Neuroscience and Social Change – Member of the Psychology and Quality of Life Research Group (PsiCal) at the International University of Valencia

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