Grandparents are rarely at the heart of studies on family relationships even though their discreet presence remains essential in the lives of their grandchildren. Generation Z (which includes people born between 1997 and 2012) would be the generation furthest removed from their grandparents with only 18% of this generation feeling very close to their grandparents, compared to 32% of millennials (born from the 1980s to the mid-1990s) and 41% of Generation X.

This decline could be explained by the difficulty in maintaining contact with grandparents who are often further away geographically than for previous generations and a preference for developing friendly and romantic relationships that are more rewarding on a daily basis.

Emotional support

While young adults tend to distance themselves from their grandparents, research shows that they remain important supports as they enter adulthood, helping their grandchildren to face the storms of a period marked by instability and uncertainty: financial insecurity, search for a first job, romantic separation, relational readjustment with parents, etc.

Young adults who choose to maintain their relationship with their grandparents recognize the role they play in building their identity, despite certain differences in values ​​or views of the world, as this testimony shows:

“I think that’s how it was in his time. He had to endure a lot of hardships to get ahead in life. And that’s also part of who I am today, because ultimately, I’m indirectly descended from him. So by being interested in him, it’s about getting to know yourself as much as getting to know him.”

Young adults describe their grandparents as people they can trust , provide emotional support, turn to for advice, or even reconcile with their parents during family conflicts.

Some might wonder why they would turn to grandparents for life advice when they have experienced such different contexts? After all, in their time, there was no online dating, couples married early, married at all, few divorces, no social networks… How then could they understand the concerns of their grandchildren?

Despite the apparent generational differences, the concerns of young adults may not have changed that much, and grandparents have evolved with the world as they have made it evolve.

Developing another view of the world

In this generation that seems to be moving away from their grandparents, those who nevertheless develop positive relationships with their grandparents say they benefit from this other view of the world. Since Generation Z also recognizes that a good grandparent is a grandparent who teaches them to enjoy life (to take an interest in new passions, to see the glass as half full), to develop social skills (to develop empathy, to communicate in society, to understand others) but also to regulate and control their emotions to be able to more easily develop relationships.

Finally, these skills that grandparents encourage their grandchildren to develop, more than simply helping them understand their family history, help them look to the future and to new friendly and romantic relationships, even if it means eventually freeing themselves from their parents and grandparents.

If the grandparent/grandchild relationship is built throughout life and strengthened by shared memories, it is never too late to reinvest in it.

The holiday season is an opportunity to share stories, confide in others or simply have a dialogue between generations. Evoking memories, celebrating events together and showing little attentions to each other are all opportunities to develop a beautiful relationship and better understand our differences .

Author Bio: Mathilde Duflos is a Lecturer in Psychology at the University of Tours